Neptune Dreams

2012-01-26T11:12:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in traffic this morning, half listening to the radio. A life insurance commercial was blabbing on, when I heard "The dream is out there, go get it." I looked at the car ahead of me and saw a bumper sticker ~ Hope. Spirit had just sent me a message of inspiration.
Yesterday was a truly awful day, I felt angry and disillusioned for really no reason. I was completely shattered by the time I left work. My son and a friend reported they had the same sort of day. I wonder if the solar flares hitting the earth yesterday had something to do with it? Frustration and yes, anger over feeling that the world has gone to hell in a hand basket probably played a part in the yesterday's mood as well. The political landscape never changes does it >: ( ... Today seems to be a much better so far. A good nights sleep will do wonders for a person's constitution.
Neptune will cross over into Pisces next week. This is a generational passage, not seen since the American Civil War. Neptune will be at home in the watery sign of Pisces. The state of water on our planet should come to the forefront of our attention ~ Drought, cleanliness, flooding, tsunami, Fukushima nuclear waste dumped into the ocean and soon the flotsam will be hitting the Pacific shores of the U.S.

“Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs.
I am haunted by waters.”
― Norman Maclean, A River Runs Through It and Other Stories

Finding Your Balance

2012-01-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

     Early morning, drinking my latte', meditating upon my creative passion. It is still quite dark outside, it is the quiet time of my day with little distraction.
     As a Libra, finding and maintaining my balance is essential to my happiness. In my previous blog, I asked what is a girl to do; living a singular modern life and wanting to pursue my passion full time. The bottom line is I need money to support my minimalistic lifestyle. I do not want to be a starving artist, living in some rat hole or on the street. In this self inquiry, I took a step back and looked at my life objectively. I am living in balance. I do have a career that creates money. It pays enough to live on without having to work holidays, evenings, overtime, or weekends. It supports me, and gives me time to actively pursue my passion for art.
     I know that I am ready to make a move, but also know that I have to continue being patient. I enjoy structure and security, but know that somethings gotta give. Soon, a long and blessed section of my life will be coming to a close, and then it will be time to re-boot, up date my program. So, at this time it would behoove myself to be open to unexpected grace. To trust that life will support me while I pursue my passion. Be an advocate for my possibilities rather than my limits. Love ~ C

Feminine Archetypes

2012-01-19T12:15:00.000-08:00

Artemis ~ Greek Goddess ~ Vatican museum, Rome, Italy

My mind has been spinning its wheels (normal for me), thinking about archetypes and how they relate to me and my modern life; and how I can use an archetype to complete my internal story. My search for a feminine archetype relates to my study of the 13 original Clan Mothers, and women throughout history who have inspired me. I have always enjoyed reading biographies of women and the passion which inspired them to create a new viewpoint in our world.

Artemis represents the maiden, mother, and crone. She was the archetypal woman who "ran with the wolves." She did not need a relationship with a male to define herself, knew her own power but didn't use it in a power hungry way. Artemis was independent, strong, trusted her intuition, and protected the innocent and nature. She knew she could take care of herself, and was the personification of the independent feminine spirit.

A more modern archetype for me is Georgia O'Keefe. I absolutely worship her, her lifestyle, and most especially her artwork. In 2004, I vacationed in Santa Fe and Taos, visited her museum, saw where she lived, and photographed the vast New Mexico desert which inspired O'Keefe to create her famous paintings. She was able to find a way to live her life on her own terms, independently creative. There are other women I could name: Maya Angelou, Emily Carr, Jane Austen, Jane Campion, Clarissa Pinkola Estes ... well, I could go on, and I am sure you could come up with a couple whom inspire you too.

The archetypal stories found in ancient myth, sagas, religion etc., influence our internal psychology in our dreams, soul life, the creative process. Jung defines an archetype as an inherited pattern of thought or symbolic imagery derived from the the past collective experience and present in the individual unconscious.

"Within every woman there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. Her name is Wild Woman, but she is an endangered species. Though the gifts of the wildish nature come to us at birth, society's attempt to "civilize" us into rigid roles has plundered this treasure, and muffled the deep, life-giving messages of our own souls. Without Wild Woman, we become over-domesticated, fearful, uncreative, trapped." Clarissa Pinkola Estes ~ Women who Run with the Wolves.

I have been haunted by a wisp of dream memory, which urges me to find a way to make my living as an artist. I fight with my need for security found in a clerical job, knowing that logically to jump off a cliff would not be a good thing financially. So I look to archetypal women who achieved their dream, and made a living from their passion. The women that I named above had a benefactor, inherited money, or husband, a source of support that allowed them to work all day in their studios. Having none of those, what is a girl to do? I have to pay the bills. Their archetypal strength inspire me to continue to paint, and walk the mystical artists life. I hope one day to have a breakthrough and find a way to finance my passion. I suppose you could call this a pity party, but it is my reality as well. I have successfully raised my son to adulthood with little help. Now that he is nearly ready to leave the nest, I am thinking that I will at last have the freedom to pursue my passion.

If you have a dream, it was put there for a reason. Love ~ C

2012-01-14T08:57:00.000-08:00

Trevi Fountain - Neptune

     Deep change has been afoot within my subconscious for a couple years, most of which involve acceptance and love for myself. Lately, the very foundation of my inner security has been shaken to the core by events beyond my control, but have hit me in a very personal way. It has forced me to review my ideas of who I am, whom I would like to be; and that perhaps it is time to come out of the closet ~ so to speak. It has been a period of inner growth, an honest self-examination, which has produced a deep and profound change in the way I operate in the world.
     As a young woman, I would adjust my persona to fit in with the group. My need to be accepted had me living my life as a chameleon. It was a safe and secure way to fit in with society. I did not know my truth, because my truth was deeply hidden in the back closet of my shadow self. Over the years and after many lessons presented to me by my acquaintances, I learned to be myself. Walking a daily path of one's inner truth can be difficult and involves a great deal of inner security.
     Though it has been difficult, the greatest gift my mother has given me has been my freedom. She raised me to be independent in the way I walk the world. She performed a final release a couple years ago, which forced me to realize I needed to get my shit together. I did and am, thanks mom. Part of this release and growth has also included a look at my ancestry, who these people were, and the archetypal patterns which continue to influence my extended family now. I am quite proud of my heritage (Mayflower), the sturdy self reliant stock from which my DNA is made of, and utilize that courage to explore and go beyond social structures to be what I want to be.
     In essence, I have been cultivating emotional independence. It has involved distancing myself from people and situations which do not nourish me. This has been a rather painful process. One in which I would not recommend for the faint of heart. It can be related to the solo journey, out on the hill on vision quest, where it is only you, the elements, and God. After three days of fasting and praying, hopefully a vision has been presented to you. Your inner and outer being are balanced, steadfast in the knowledge of what it is you are meant to do and be in this lifetime. It is walking your talk. It is walking the good red road.
Love ~ C

Living The Mystical Life

2012-01-12T20:45:00.000-08:00

mys-ti-cal; adjective: inspiring a sense of spiritual mystery, awe, fascination: the mystical forces of nature. Concerned with the soul, or the spirit, rather than with material things.

A phrase jumped out at me the other day while cruising the internet. "Living the mystical life and bringing it into ordinary reality." It is a shamanic idea, to access or channel non-ordinary reality in order to gain insight into our daily lives. To shnuffle the wind with your wolfish nature and catch the scent of something unusual coming your way. Alerting to symbols or events that continue to pop up, begging for notice. Applying spirit into everyday matters, which will open the door between the two worlds, and assist you in making a dualistic world more balanced and whole.
Neptune has been popping up on my radar the last couple days, so I began diligently researching my natal Neptune, and Neptune's current transit. Neptune will arrive in its home sign Pisces in February, and live there over the next 18 years. Neptune is generally associated with dreams, visions, escapist pleasures and addiction, non-ordinary reality. My natal Neptune is conjunct my mid heaven, Sun, Venus, and Mercury. For me, it is sort of like getting inspiration from higher source and channeled into my art, poetry, and this blog.
An archetypal descriptive for Neptune could be the soul longing for home, a home you barely remember but can never forget. A deep longing that dreams into the world as artistic expression. It is that remembrance of something so beautiful that paint and musical notes can only barely touch. It is that acute and exquisite inner angst, which all creative people are intimately acquainted with.
Neptune is associated with water. Our bodies cannot live without water, our fetal body lives in a watery womb until born, 50 to 70% of our bodies are made up of water. Water is symbolically the emotional content of our soul. When we dream of water; flushing toilets (ridding ourselves of emotional content); the ocean, lakes, or streams (stormy or calm); crying; rainstorms and the rainbow after; all are symbols our soul uses in the dreamworld to speak to us about our emotional nature. Avoiding your feelings is like letting your emotional well go dry.
I sort of strayed from the point, but... I wanted to illustrate why we need to be alert to spirit speaking to us in whatever subtle form spirit wants to manifest to you. To live the mystical life, one must act as a shaman. Walk through your day and act as a conduit of spirit, for yourself and those with whom you have contact with. Daily life contains experiences of coincidence, deja vu, a song in your head that won't go away, an intuitive hunch, dreams. These are all instances of spirit trying to contact you. I would guarantee that if you payed more attention, your life will be much fuller and richer in emotional and creative experience.
This indeed, is living the mystical life. Love ~ C

Astrology and the Inner Experience

2012-01-09T21:44:00.000-08:00

     I don't know about you but 2011 left me feeling pretty beat up. I do hope this new year is better. However, it is 2012 and all the possible attendant stuff that might happen to our world, as predicted by astrologers, psychics, Maya, Native Americans, doomsdayers yada yada. Just the thought of it makes me feel tired, a little frightened and want to hide in a cave.
     My inner knowledge that on some level my soul contracted to be here at this time and place, keeps me fascinated and involved. Maybe (if you believe in reincarnation), I was once a Mayan priest and really wanted to be here and observe the star alignments. Well... why not? ; ) Perhaps I wanted to be here, to observe the moment when the earth, solstice sun, and the Galactic Core are in precise alignment; as we flip over to another round of 26,000 years. This alignment will last for something like 18 years. As tired as we might feel, it ain't over till the angels sing Hallelujah.
     Astrologically speaking, I have been experiencing transiting Saturn, exercising his will on my 5 Libra planets and then hit me up in about a years time for a 2nd Saturn return. Come on baby, hit me one more time. That old curmudgeon Pluto has been conjunct my Ascendant for several months and he will spin his wheels for a little while longer. I would like to thank both of the dark lords for my education in all matters of the emotional and mental kind. You know, the kind of sticky stuff that just won't go away until you finally deal with it. I am learning to speak my truth, stand my ground in spite of the massive guilt I feel when I am dealing honestly with others. Let me assure you, not everyone wants to hear what you need to say. I feel like I am finally getting close to being my authentic self, and that is good thing. It is an amazing thing to hear the voice of authority in your child self mind; and finally say no, I am going to do it my way thank you very much. Women are trained from the womb, to place others first and play nice socially. Well, that's social sexist political training.
     Also, on another astrological note, I would like to give a heads up to a couple events coming up this year. Watch for May 20 through end of June, probably some sort of announcement, news, unveiling of a lie. I don't know what, just watch for something big that could create a huge shift. Also, Mercury goes retrograde on the day of the American presidential election. The last time this happened was in 2000, and Bush won via the Supreme Court intervention.
     So, there ya go. Peace be unto your hearts and always and forever walk the good red road.
Love, C

Stardate 13.0.0.0.0 ~ The Quest for the Grail

2012-01-08T11:16:00.000-08:00

     Here we are, on the threshold of 2012. Heralded and trumpeted as the end all, be all, make or break of human civilization as we know it. Seriously? Did the ancient Maya obsess about sin and doomsday? I have to ask you to contemplate that question. If John Jenkins and Jose' Arguelles hadn't written about their research, would 2012 just be another year? The sin obsessed evangelical Christian culture would prefer to see 2012 as doomsday; using the apocalyptic vision of St. John in the Book of Revelations, and the old testament to promote their agenda. I would also argue the point with the New Age community and their prophecies of ascension into the 5th dimension; or those who think that a benevolent Alien race from the planet Niburu will save us all. Most certainly, there are some people making loads of money off the doomsday aspect of 2012. I would ask my readers to please be a little sceptical.
     I agree, our world is frightening and chaotic. Instant news via the internet and social media, brings events from around the world to our attention within seconds. Making it all seem so immediate and personally implicated in our lives. Yes, there is so much wrong in the world. We have become a world-wide culture of me first selfishness; the one with the most toys and money wins the rat race; murdering the innocent for your religious beliefs.
     Our challenge is to make a difference on a collective and personal level, and pay attention to what you are doing. What is the personal story that you dream and create in your mind. Do you think kindly of others? Do you pay a kindness forward? Do you recycle? Do you take time each day to lovingly connect with your innermost self and realize how truly fabulous you are?
     We are on the threshold of a personal odyssey every moment of our lives. It is a constant meditation to pay attention, and consciously advance our personal and collective lives. Yes, you will catch yourself thinking mean thoughts, road raging, gossiping...it's okay, observe it, forgive yourself, and move on. That is your personal quest ~ walking every day in a conscious manner. Every morning begin your day by setting your intention. Ask or pray to Spirit, to help you in your quest to walk your talk, that your speech and actions are in alignment with peace and loving kindness.  Are you ready to step across the threshold and create a new archetype for yourself? That is the evolutionary step we all must take. That is the quest for the Grail, which is found in all of our hearts.
Love ~ C

2011-10-30T12:17:00.000-07:00

I am present in the moment

I am immersed in my journey

I am here now

I am that and that I am

Ruminations and Contemplation

2011-10-13T20:31:00.000-07:00

I have been contemplating change and definition of self the last couple weeks. Writing and editing, re-editing again, what it is that's on my mind, and trying to find a way to write about it without being too preachy.
I started getting some definitive clues when I watched an Oprah "Life Class" show on her new cable channel. It is essentially her interviews with people, which are exceptionally autobiographical in nature. Anyway, her show served its purpose, which is to provoke someone into re-thinking their life course. "The truth shall set you free. Your life doesn't have to be what everybody else thinks it should be...Whatever you are holding back, keeping secret; whatever it is you are being dishonest with yourself about...is holding you back from becoming you true authentic self."
     What can I do differently to change the course of my life? What is it in my life that no longer matters, would not be missed if it was gone? To love and honor myself, what would I embrace?
     Life challenges are not meant to be a place in your mind and heart where you live life in a victim mentality. Where you say to yourself, well this happened and I am still grieving and I am comfortable feeling like this and I will not move out of this limited idea of myself. Where something happened and you decide to make a holy event out of it and allow it to define and limit what and who you are. What if you could use your failure to move you towards your dharma? Your reality is based upon some belief you have about yourself ~ it's an inside job. Your beliefs are the narrative of your life story.
Let your life events inspire you. What are you longing for that is the missing piece of the puzzle which will create a unique and honest life for yourself. Be compassionate in this endeavor and remember to honor and love yourself, beyond shame, guilt, remorse... The truth shall set you free.
Anyway dear readers, this has been on my mind. Tomorrow is my birthday, Saturn is conjunct my Sun, Pluto is conjunct my Ascendant, and Uranus is provoking everybody on my IC ( for those who speak Astrology). I am cleaning house, rearranging my furniture so to speak. It is a beautiful, wonder filled experience ~ and I am truly happy to be given the chance to work on my soul life on this great and most beautiful home planet in the great unknowable Tao. I am that, and that I am.
Love, C

2011-10-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

Rest In Peace

"For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." ~ Steve Jobs

Dawn of a New Day

2011-09-29T14:21:00.001-07:00

2011-09-29T13:54:00.000-07:00

The process of change is never easy. Everyday life can present challenges which will test our inner heroic nature. When we are confronted by a situation, which hinders our higher expectations of ourself and other; can we find the wisdom within to gently weed out those things which no longer work for us, and the way we want to live? Through this confrontation with ourselves and other, can we make it a teachable moment. Can we be both the teacher and the student? Can we change our course with integrity, humility and courage? Can we accept the challenge of our Dharma to become and do and be what it is we came onto this Earth plane to be.

The dogmatic need to hold on to our viewpoint is essentially fear of loss. Ask yourself, what is it you are afraid to lose? The cautionary tale here, is to not blindly follow the dogma of parents, government, or religious figures. Figure out what is right for you, with a wider inclusive viewpoint to educate your stance.

The process of change is to have an honest one on one conversation with yourself.

2011-09-25T14:48:00.000-07:00

"Nature Girl"

My latest acrylic painting, 24" x 36"

email drama

2011-09-19T13:12:00.000-07:00

For those of you whom follow my blog and on my personal email list. I am so sorry!! I got hacked by some unscrupulous @$#%*!! and you got some junk mail. Some really icky email.
Please put a block on my old email address and anything that came through that looked like it is from me and change your email password. I don't think it was a virus - although it feels like it.
I have closed that account and have a new email address.
Hopefully, this is cured, and once again I am sorry for the inconvenience.
Christy

2011-09-08T08:47:00.000-07:00

Political drama: RE: Obama's JOBS speech
“As we all know from painful experience, no matter what the president attempts to do, the Republicans in Congress will gleefully do everything to obstruct it, essentially keeping millions out of work to put one man out of a job.” www.starlightnews.com

Dharma

2011-08-31T21:06:00.000-07:00

     Why am I here. What is my purpose in life. What is it I love to do. What do I do, when time slips away, hours seem like minutes, because I am so immersed in what I do, I become the moment. That is your Dharma, or your purpose. Every single one of us has a talent or unique gift that can be used to express the universe.
     We look at those we admire; Deepak Chopra, Sandra Bullock, Stephen Hawking, Oprah, Alex Grey, Venus Williams, Stephen King, Beyonce, Dalai Lama... They are living their Dharma. They are doing what it is that makes them happy.
"My actions are aligned with the cosmic law. Om varu nam nama."
     How do I know what my Dharma is? It is realizing what it is you are happiest doing. It could be gardening, painting, writing, music, acting, number crunching, playing a sport, cooking, healing...it is leaning in the direction of your dream, welcoming and accepting your dream, for that is your steps toward living and becoming your Dharmic dream. The Dharma is asking yourself, how can I use my unique gifts to help myself and the world. How can I serve? Don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask your self what makes you come alive. The universe is calling you right now, pick up the phone : )

2011-08-09T09:42:00.000-07:00

"Something is happening here, what it is ain't exactly clear, there's a man with a gun over there, telling me you got to beware... there's battle lines being drawn, nobody's right if everybody's wrong..."

Astrology: Mars has squared Uranus, in opposition to Pluto and very loosely squared to Saturn too. In other words we have a re-activation to the grand cross or a T-square. Mars transiting Cancer (home, family, those things and people we hold dear to us) squared and irritating Uranus in Aries (war, military action, alpha instincts taking charge). In short, crisis and anger. Not so surprising given world wide headline news. Mars in Cancer is the reluctant warrior, knowing something must be done but how far should I go with this?
There is so much anger and fear around the world. I have been feeling it in my personal life too, and ask the question: What do you do with your anger? This is not a simple question. So many people are cut off from feeling real rage. We submit to social morals and play nice while the anger boils away in our gut. We may even fear our own power, afraid of what we might do if the rage boils over. To be constructive with our anger I guess we should ask ourselves; how can I be constructive with my anger and rage, what exactly is it that I am angry about (really pinpoint it) and then ask yourself how exactly can I resolve this situation that angers me so?
I know that this is the peaceful way to approach anger, but I also have to ask; what if there is nothing you can do about it without getting yourself fired from your job, or losing your family and friends over speaking your truth? It is a true quagmire, for me anyway, and probably for many people around the world. How do we get what we want and need to feel nurtured, without screwing yourself or someone else... just asking.

2011-07-10T14:09:00.000-07:00

The language of the soul: When we incarnate into this human form, we are born to answer a question. We all come in with a question, and our life is about answering that question. What really matters to you, what brings you fulfillment, what is it that your soul resonates to?
Every step we take into the now, is another step towards answering that question we want answered.
Use your intuition, ask yourself if what you are doing is life enhancing. Ask yourself if the roles you are playing resonate with your soul purpose. It does not mean that you have to totally cut something or someone out of your life. It means that you can approach that role which is out of kilter, with an act of power. An act, or different approach to a situation, which vibrates at the soul level you intuitively know, will bring you closer to answering your question. An act which purposely aligns you with the "I Am That and That I Am."
Living an intuitive spirit led life, living out this question while walking your soul path, aligns you to your true purpose.

Affirmation for the Week: I am being Spirit Led to the quality of people and quality of situations that reflect my Soul Design for Right Relationship and Right Livelihood.

2011-07-01T21:44:00.000-07:00

"A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard to even take it. On the other hand, the path with heart is easy; it does not make you work hard at liking it." ~ C. Castaneda

Distant shores call me
as I stand upon
yet another threshold
of my personal odyssey
it is evolutionary
this space between
I breathe slowly, deeply
waiting for the crack
in the universal door
of perception to open
I part this misty veil
and walk through
not knowing what
lays beyond.

Anticipation
tempered by fear of
the unknown
and yet... I breathe and
walk through each day
so aware of the tension
that is building
with each step forward
into the now.

I know not where
this path will lead
and only know that I
step across the threshold
enveloped by wonder
I am the Cosmic Shaman
a mystic always and ever seeking
the ecstasy of the divine.

2011-06-20T11:03:00.000-07:00

Affirmation for the week: I am releasing the roles that are no longer life enhancing.

2011-06-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

Last nite's dream on the eclipsed moon. Dreamt of having an alien father, (not sure what my mom would think of that one : )... My alien father and I danced, back to back which seemed normal, in a spiral pattern. Then my obnoxious kittyboy decided it was an appropriate time to begin yowling, waking me up. I would have enjoyed continuing that dream to see where it led. Probably inspired by a painting on my easel, a Jungian gestalt painting really, of another dream I had a few months ago. I dreamt that my ears were dark blue and covered with stars, like a nite sky, I realized that no else had ears like mine and other people could not see them or knew they were different. I also had a brief conversation yesterday with a Piscean friend about our oversoul groups and their family name. All combined with the beautiful full Sagittarian moon conjunct the Galactic center. I hope you went out and gazed at the moon, and put your crystals out to recharge.
Love ~ C

Lunar Eclipse ~ June 15, 2011

2011-06-15T21:59:00.000-07:00

~ Sagittarius full moon conjunct the Galactic Center ~

Your Awareness sets your Frequency

It is impossible to ignore it

Your awareness creates your life

2011-06-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

Politics - blah blah blah...
"It is now so morally skewed in this country that we hold politicians who lie about sex more accountable for those actions than for voting for the continued desecration of the social safety net, the neglect of the young and the elderly, the pollution of our planet and the torture and murder of other human beings."

Read more: http://planetwaves.net/pagetwo/daily-astrology/the-people-vs-imperfect-men/#ixzz1OiNi8d4f

...however, I find it unfortunate, if not repugnant, when this type of behavior is done while the wife is pregnant or there are children in the house. There is just no explaining that ugliness away. It does seem that those who have been front line news lately, feel entitled through money, powerful position, and or star value, think they can do whatever they want. The words: entitlement and tyranny have been my word for the day for the last couple weeks. I have been attempting to understand bad behavior spawned by entitlement and tyranny, and most certainly cannot condone it.
Political and economic tyranny perpetrated upon the masses through entitlement.
What to do about that?

2011-06-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

Sunshine streams softly through my window today.

I beta viewed my Italy slide show on an Apple computer, sorry guess you Apple types have to upload windows software to view it. oh well. Still thinking about making videos with my photography. There is this dude, Terje Sorgjerd who does amazing time lapse videos, whom serves as inspiration.
check it out at: www.facebook.com/TSOPhotograpy

2011-06-05T11:24:00.000-07:00

I finally got the slideshow of my Italian vacation posted. The portal is on the right side of the blog and is connected via my windows live profile. I am still fiddling with it...of course. Enjoy.

2011-06-01T20:59:00.003-07:00

2011-06-01T20:07:00.000-07:00

Redefine your identity.
It is not defined by those things outside yourself.

Breath in ~
Define it by your truth.
Breath out ~

God did not create the universe,
God became it.

Become the universe.

2011-05-18T19:36:00.000-07:00

Hey, isn't it interesting how the universe converses with us. Every day I have an interesting conversation with one, or usually more than one person, an event, an idea/thought...where information is disseminated about, well, our connectedness. We are radiant, light energy, souls living an expression of God, through our individual lives. Unity consciousness.
I have been working on my Italian slide show, it is nearly done, have to figure out how to post it on my blog or web site now. New software you know. So look for it on this blog. If it works the way I think/hope it will, I will create more videos. It is fun, I love technology and using it to make new art.
I have been dreaming a lot, and the deep consciousness work does tire me out a great deal. Can you feel this energy too? Pay attention, we are working together in a group effort to birth the unity consciousness.
~ C

2011-04-05T19:52:00.000-07:00

Ponte Vecchio over the Arno river, Florence, Italy

I'm back from my postcard vacation in the soft amber mediterranean ambiance of Italy. A friendly relaxed people. Saw lots of art, and wished that there was more time to really take my time and digest what I saw - like one art museum a week. But alas, I did not have that time. I did take lots of photos to remember what I saw and did. What a challenge I set up for myself. A solo journey is not for the weak hearted, whether out on the hill or to a foreign country. I am glad to be back in my home country. I have re-discovered my inner core, the strength of will which continues to guide me on my path. I feel grounded and centered.
I will be writing more as time goes on.
Interesting what is going on in the world...these times they are a changing. Love - C

meditation for global healing with Deepak Chopra

2011-04-05T19:44:00.000-07:00

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/chopracenter/2011/03/22/a-live-global-healing-meditation-for-japan-led-by-deepak-chopra

2011-03-06T11:51:00.001-08:00

Italian Adventure

2011-03-06T11:49:00.000-08:00

I will be traveling to Italy very soon. Experience the Italian Renaissance visually through the artwork of Michelango, Raphael, Donatello. Delight in intricate Italian Baroque with artwork of Caravaggio and Bernini. Lets not forget to mention how old Rome and Florence are, we're talking B.C people. This trip has fallen together effortlessly, a gift from spirit - and through the kind and generous heart of a Piscean benefactor, whom felt guided to gift me with the wings for this trip.

     I see a door, a portal, through which I step, making fear my ally in this vision quest to bring my dreams forward into reality. Dragonfly is there once again, standing guard at the crack between the worlds. The veil is drawn open and I step through, and gaze upon the gray smoked mirror. I look deep within its depths and draw forth my deep soul life which longs for another way of being.
     The sabian symbol for my natal Saturn is Scorpio 20: A woman draws away two dark curtains closing the entrance to a sacred pathway. It is the woman within, the path to the mystic's unitive life, opened up once the darkness of fear, egocentricity, and dualistic morality is removed. It reveals what a positive reliance upon faith and intuition can bring about. Courage is needed to go through the veiling darkness-the courage to go beyond the familiar and traditionally known, to plunge ahead into the unknown.
     I didn't think about this symbol until just now while writing in my blog. It feels so appropriate. It is like another puzzle piece fitted into this beautiful painting of my life. For those of you who know a little about astrology, Saturn is currently transiting 5 of my natal planets in Libra in the 9th house, and eventually my 2nd Saturn return. Pluto is conjunct my ascendant - and yes, I am cleaning house - spring cleaning, yippee!! My natal Saturn in the 10th house has been the one who makes me work really hard without much reward. So my question to the old boy is: when I step through your planetary portal will I finally get the gold ring?
I don't think I will write in my blog again until I get back from Italy.
Arrivederci mi amici, Love - C

2011-03-06T10:56:00.001-08:00

Astrology and current events

2011-02-22T10:23:00.000-08:00

There's something happening here/What it is ain't exactly clear
There's a man with a gun over there/Telling me I got to beware
I think it's time we stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
There's battle lines being drawn/Nobody's right if everybody's wrong
Young people speaking their minds
Getting so much resistance from behind
I think it's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
What a field-day for the heat/A thousand people in the street
Singing songs and carrying signs/Mostly say, hooray for our side
It's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Paranoia strikes deep/Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, the man come and take you away
We better stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

Please check the astrology site I posted below for a pretty good article on current events. For those of us who lived through the 60's - do you remember? I was quite young, but remember the campus sit-ins, demonstrations, Kent State...it was more than just a discussion about Vietnam, it was a discussion about our governments attempt to blindside us with lies and secrets. Like it or not, this is still happening. I have to wonder what America would do if the revolutionary movement caught hold here. Although, Wisconsin is giving voice to their discontent. I am not thinking in a seditious manner; I believe Americans would want a national dialogue, rather than the extreme rioting we have been witnessing in the middle east. We have had two such events in our past; the revolutionary and civil wars - I think on an American collective level we just don't want to go that route, and I highly doubt that our troops would fire on us.
It is about personal and collective freedom from tyranny. Tyranny means a lot more than government control-it could be corporations, the tax-man, your neighbor, the boss, the ex ...I guess I am too utopian minded...as my son reminds me when this sort of subject comes up.
On a personal level I have been exploring and inviting in, my need for personal freedom. It has been an emotionally painful, at times lonely, freedom walk. It will take a while for me to fully articulate how I have changed and am evolving on a soul level. It is a continuous process of course.

http://planetwaves.net/pagetwo/2011/02/22/chiron-mercury-astrology/

2011-02-08T21:50:00.000-08:00

I'm a dweller on the threshold/And I'm waiting at the door
And I'm standing in the darkness/I don't want to wait no more

I have seen without perceiving/I have been another man
Let me pierce the realm of glamour/So I know just what I am

I'm a dweller on the threshold/And I'm waiting at the door
And I'm standing in the darkness/I don't want to wait no more

Feel the angel of the present/In the mighty crystal fire
Lift me up consume my darkness/Let me travel even higher

I'm a dweller on the threshold/As I cross the burning ground
Let me go down to the water/Watch the great illusion drown

I'm a dweller on the threshold/And I'm waiting at the door
And I'm standing in the darkness/I don't want to wait no more

I'm gonna turn and face the music/The music of the spheres
Lift me up consume my darkness/When the midnight disappears

I will walk out of the darkness/And I'll walk into the light
And I'll sing the song of ages/And the dawn will end the night

I'm a dweller on the threshold/And I'm waiting at the door
And I'm standing in the darkness/I don't want to wait no more

I'm a dweller on the threshold/And I cross some burning ground
And I'll go down to the water/Let the great illusion drown

I'm a dweller on the threshold/And I'm waiting at the door
And I'm standing in the darkness/I don't want to wait no more
I'm a dweller on the threshold/Dweller on the threshold

Lyrics by Van Morrison

2011-02-02T11:39:00.000-08:00

I nestle quietly in the dark recesses of winters womb. Dreaming, creating. I stretch out my senses and listen to the hum of many voices singing to each other on the crystal grid. Singing of joy, love, and a change in direction. Giving voice against oppression. Birthing a new reality.

"But we try to pretend, you see, that the external world exists

altogether independently of us."-A.Watts

I have been gestating on an idea, consensual reality and how we create that reality with our thinking. Are we all growing/thinking towards a new idea of freedom? An acknowledgment that living on this earth requires respect for each others basic dignity. We all have a story to tell and a lesson to learn. We may feel alone, stranded in a strange land of me and other, but we are all born of this earthen universe. The fight is to become aware, conscious, though there are days that we fail utterly-miserably... and so we pick ourselves up, dust off our disgrace, and try it again.

"Lack of awareness of the basic unity of organism and environment

is a serious and dangerous hallucination." - A. Watts

A new paradigm does exist if we but choose to follow its path. We must choose carefully, organize our thoughts and days towards the evolvement of our soul. It is our destiny, our soul purpose after all.

-C

2011-01-18T20:43:00.000-08:00

2011-01-18T20:21:00.000-08:00

New Moon - Full Moon - Dark of the Moon

I howl at the moon

when my blood is full of the fever;

hot, wanting, needing to create

a vision of love,

a vision of darkness which

resides in the aloneness of my heart.

A balanced yin yang,

always, the shadow and the light

sucking me deep into the vortex

of me.

I stand at the edge of my abyss

looking out into forever,

longing, needing, for...yes.

A deep need for the throbbing

pulse of my heart

when I think of me, you,

creating, being, wanting, needing.

And it is a song in my heart

forever singing a song of love,

I hear your sweetness singing

in my ear, breathing sighs

in my hair, as we....yes.

The darkness of the moon

is where my soul resides,

where I create and birth

my longing for you.

and yes...

-C

2011-01-13T12:30:00.000-08:00

The collective consciousness is being called upon to listen to a message. It is regarding the 9 y.o. little girl, Christina Taylor Green, who was murdered in Tucson during the political meeting with congresswoman Gifford. It is regarding how we are relating to each other personally and collectively. The thing that is striking me is this; Christina was born on 9/11 - a collectively painful wounding of not only America, but the entire world. The book she was featured in, "Faces of Hope" showcased a baby from each of the 50 states born on 9/11. Christina was one of those babies.

What I am thinking the significance of this is, and was probably Christina's soul mission, may have been to remind us of hope in the darkest of circumstances. The world and America has become embroiled in deceit, hatred, war, the rape and pillage of personal bank accounts, and the mindless rhetoric of 24/7 hate-mongering. Maybe what her martyrdom means, the murder of her innocence, is for us all to take a step back - and ask ourselves, what the hell are we doing to each other?

The fear engendered by 9/ll, has produced divided, myopic viewpoints which is far from the America I grew up in, the best of what America represents. The hope we voted for in the personage of Barack Obama, is being quashed and repealed by hate and the fear of moving forward. The psychopathic killer is a direct mirror of all our hate and fear darkening forever the mind of a young man, the collective consciousness, and our hope for a better today-a better future. We are collectively murdering our hope.

We, on a collective level, must find within our hearts and minds a way beyond fear, and rekindle - stoke the fires of - that heart flame of God/Hope/Love/Faith - to be our very best selves. To be responsible to ourselves and the community of man we live in, to walk a path of truth - the good red road.

Mitakuye Oyasin All My Relations - C

2011-01-08T09:15:00.000-08:00

I finally got the new look for my web gallery working. It can be a real growly bear to get everything linked and directory's synchronized on my local site and the server. Probably shouldn't have done it during Mercury retrograde, but it seems to be working now.

Our world is changing so fast, it is hard to keep up. I think we have more changes to come, on a deep mass consciousness level. In our chrysallis form, we are readying ourselves for a new way of beingness. Some are more ready than others. Some cling to a way of being that is comfortable not wanting to move forward out of fear. The challenge is to face the fear that deep change engenders, to embrace this new form of consciousness here on the earth plane. We are all connected on a deep cellular level and have chosen to be here on this plane to experience the nature of being in this world. The question is, at what point do we escape our cocoon and become the butterfly, spreading its wings in the light of our star/sun.

Making new artwork, and planning my trip to Italy this spring.

2010-12-05T08:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I was working on a new fractile piece and listening to a talk radio program which was hosting a really interesting woman, Hillary Raimo. She was talking about lots of different things, but the one thing that struck my mind, really tickled my brain, was when she said we need to bathe in the starlight more often. She was talking about our Sun, which is the star of our solar system. We go out at night and feel sacred communion and awe when viewing the milky way, yet forget that the sun is a star as well. The sun has such an influence upon our planet. Without this star, life would not exist as we know it. Her suggestion is to go out in the sunlight everyday, especially those of us who sit behind a computer 8 hours a day working in a cubicle; and commune with our star's energy.

Seasonal Affective Disorder happens in the winter when we cannot get enough sunlight/starlight. I have to work in a business office to earn my living, not exactly in a cubicle but sitting in front of a computer, as an indentured slave to capitalism. I try to go out for a walk everyday during my lunchtime, mostly for exercise - but now I have another purpose: To engage the Sun/Star and enjoy a sacred communion with its loving energy.

Yes, too much sun is not good for your skin, ala wrinkles-sunburn-melanoma; but a little sun everyday would be a good thing with a prayer of thanks for this awesome gift of God.

-C

2010-11-22T08:35:00.000-08:00

"In the ultimate stillness

light penetrate the whole realm;

In the still illumination,

there pervades pure emptiness.

When I look back on the

phenomenal world,

everything is just like a dream."

-Han Shan Te Ch'ing

2010-11-14T10:54:00.000-08:00

Since I wrote my last post, I have come across ancient writings describing God the same way I did. I was looking up stuff for some new artwork ideas and found some Sanscrit writings from centuries ago. That makes me feel like I am on the right track, and also delineated my idea that we are living in the corporeal body of God. I Am That and That I Am.
Have my new gallery up but still having some glitches to iron out. I will be adding another gallery page with some new work filled with fractiles, ancient symbols, and crop circles.

2010-11-14T10:53:00.000-08:00

2010-10-28T08:29:00.000-07:00

When I think of God, I think of the all encompassing, corporeal body of God - which in my mind is the entire universe. God is unlimited after all, everything is God and I mean everything. In my attempt to understand God and to find my place within its vast body, I start from here = the vast universe. Then my mind thinks in terms of physics, I have a limited knowledge of physics, but can really appreciate the ideas of Einstein, string theory, and the scientific position that space has been expanding since the big bang. If indeed there was a big bang; how did this all get started anyway? So...

If God is the all encompassing vastness of space and everything included in it, we (humans), trees, stars, aliens - well everything... is God expanding in ascension. Ok, so space is expanding, everything is in constant flux - that would be the constant - all these changes God absorbs as knowledge of itself, expanding Gods consciousness. So as Gods consciousness expands does not all of the universe expand with God? Can God have an ascension as well? I know that this is humanizing God in this attempt to understand the vast consciousness of God but it tickles my brain to think this way.

I hear so much from certain communities of thought that we (humans and the Earth) are being prepared for an ascension into a different dimension in consciousness than we have known before. You know, the 2012 Mayan thang. If God consciousness has been expanding all along, then this is not an entirely new phenomenon. Historically, humankind has evolved. Well, we have...now where was I going with this.

As you and I gain in consciousness, work on our karma, do our yoga, chakra balancing, reading, meditation, whatever you do to enlighten yourself; God is also expanding with us or we are expanding in the consciousness of God.

I think about the bad things too, like cholera in Haiti, tsunamis, mass murderers, druggies, war; and know that God is learning from all this too. As we do...eventually. When bad things happen, we learn from that. I could go on and on with this thought process but I think dear reader, that you have the general idea.

So...when you are in meditation, working on your auric chakra balancing, breathing in the light and visualizing expanding that light within and outside of yourself, getting rid of all the sticky negative stuff, can you visualize the ever expanding universal mind of God within yourself? Think of your body as God, all those cells, neurons, mitochondria, hair, skin, organs are all like Gods universal body is in God.That is what we are after all, cells within Gods body.

until next time...C

2010-08-17T14:18:00.000-07:00

"Listen closely...the eternal hush of silence goes on and on throughout all this, and has been going on, and will go on and on. This is because the world is nothing but a dream and is just thought of and the everlasting eternity pays no attention to it."

-Jack Kerouac

2010-07-13T20:57:00.000-07:00

Don't be Afraid of the Dark

2010-07-13T09:08:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but the last couple weeks-the lunar and solar eclipses-before, during and after-have been a hell of a ride. Lots of rapid filled waters to traverse and it wore me out; I am currently swimming in a calmer section of my river of life. This particular astrological event has focused in on the personal for all of us-worldwide, and those of us who had the eclipses hit one of our natal planets probably felt it more acutely than most.

I didn't really have a big hit, but the cardinal T-square has been immense for me, working on my shadow material, nudging me along, refocusing and healing, moving me into a deep personal shift in my consciousness.

Still not feeling really inspired art wise. I do have a show coming up in August, so I'm not totally out of touch.

Instead, I have been concentrating on meditations centered on my heart chakra, and reading up on the Italian renaissance.

I guess that communiction or the lack thereof has been a major focus for me of late. Trying to come to grips with control issues-my own and others. Ultimately, control trips are an illusion grounded in fear. Fear of loss, fear of lack, fear of death, well...fear of whatever it is that you fear. All one can do is recognize and own your own stuff and try to fix it.

I would council you to not be afraid of your dark shadow material, and...that you can't fix anyone else's crappage-that is theirs and there is nothing you can do to control them. Nothing...it is your own mind, tripping on your own issues; and pointing the finger at someone else does not resolve the mind trip you do not want to face within yourself.

It is not yours (judgment or wisdom) to tell someone else how to be or to try and control them, even though they are being a total shithead. One can only practice accepting that everyone is human and flawed-and take care that you don't take on someone else's stuff as your own; find contentment within your own walk of life. Keep working on fixing yourself. That is all you can do...and that is enough. Just remember that everyone has their point of view and theirs doesn't necessarily match your own. It is also about being okay with your vulnerability and loving yourself in all your flaws.

Here is a song which my guide sent me recently, from the musical Carousel-one of my old favorites.

When you walk through a storm

Keep your head up high

And don't be afraid of the dark.

At the end of the storm

Is a golden sky

And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.

Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone.

2010-06-25T10:21:00.000-07:00

Please say a prayer for the Gulf coast BP oil disaster. Now is the time to raise our consciousness, to pray for peace and healing. It is a tragedy and I think we have only just begun to see what this act of corporate money -vs- safety will do to our fragile eco-system.

Here is a link to Dr. Masaru Emoto on youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmhWsPNrRgs

Let us all, send the very best of ourselves to heal this, to make it right. C

2010-06-24T08:44:00.000-07:00

I asked; "What is my purpose?" the reply was; "To Do Gods Will."

The new paradigm wakeup call is the realization of our oneness, the Co-Creation of Cosmic Mind. It is a difficulty to shed the attachment to mind, ego, attachment to our soul vehicle, and just become. I do not know if I or anyone could succeed at that, and if you did wouldn't you be another Buddha or Jesus or Mohammed? I think most people would be too afraid to totally detach, because in our current way of thinking it would be too much like dying, and most of us are afraid of death. We have been living separately since the dawn of man, and now is the challenge to realize the oneness of all-cosmic mind. One can only continue to walk across the vast desert of our aloneness, following the voice within, searching for that oasis, that holy grail, which will quench once and for all this eternal thirst for oneness with God.

Or, one can just look around at our surroundings, people, plants, animals, things, ideas, and realize that, Hey isn't this God? I think so.

Which goes back to my earlier thought, the song phrase; "If God had a face, what would it look like?" Is not everything the face and mind of God?

2010-06-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

I have not been doing much in terms of artwork since last November. I was so busy all last year, getting out a huge amount of work, printing, art shows. Since November I have been reading and contemplating, shifting and changing ideas and relationships.

During this time of stillness, I have been having a conversation with my angel guide, although I don't think of him as an angel. He is my gentle watcher. A phrase has been in my mind for months now; if God had a face what would it look like. It is a phrase from a song written and sung by Joan Osborn, a never ending song play in my mind. My guide will speak to me that way sometimes, I will get a random song, usually first thing in the morning, as a message to contemplate.

I look forward to my trip to Rome and Florence. Most of the artwork I will be studying are in churches, the works of Michelangelo, Da Vinci, Raphael, Caravaggio-high renaissance artwork. How did the great masters see Gods face?

My heart chakra has opened up again.

2010-06-11T08:48:00.001-07:00

If God had a face, what would it look like?

La Pieta de Michelangelo

2010-05-16T11:53:00.000-07:00

2010-05-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

I have been on an inward journey throughout the winter months, listening to many voices, reading, thinking, becoming, being...

I am planning a trip in a years time to visit Rome and Florence, to explore the roots of the Renaissance, visit and listen to the voices of the old masters, de Vinci, Michelangelo, Donatello, Bruschelli, Raphael, and on and on...to hear the voices of the ancients, from so far back in time it is astonishing to think upon, ancient Rome.

I look for inspiration from the ancients and a new way of being-creating.

It is time for me to step through a door which has always been there, in my inner rooms, awaiting for me to take the key hanging from my keyring and turn the lock. It is a journey, a pilgrimage, a walk into a lifetime of remembrance and finding release from blocks, coming into my own.

5th dimension

2010-05-08T16:45:00.000-07:00

Dreamtime: I awoke in a dream, no real specificity of place or time. I found myself in the desert, around the Sedona area. There was a Native American Shaman to assist me. He guided me into the desert, it was night time, there were two Rattlesnakes, coiled with head up, but did not strike at all. Then I stepped up into another dimension. I saw star systems, a grid of star like lights-about 6 x 8 ? - like a light panel. These then began to move around with the other stars, colors, kinda like the 2001 movie sequence, but different, more like circular back and forth pattern. I knew - or was told - that I was witnessing and present within a the 5th dimensional time space continuum. It was majorly wild, my body and mind was deeply intensely excited. It was so intense that I woke up and have not been able to not think about it all day. Wow.

2010-05-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

addendum to glass float find: I can relate this really cool find/gift of the sea to the dream I had of the sunset lit beach. Synchronicity. A calling and an answer.

Also, while at the beach, taking a walk Sunday morning, I was reminded of the sabian symbols (Dane Rudhyar) and the symbol for my sun sign-20 Libra: a Sunday crowd enjoying the beach. Which is about enjoying the convivial camaraderie of people enjoying a beautiful outdoor setting, and the realization that we are all one.

So there it is.

Sometimes I can feel so lost in the quagmire of daily crappage, get caught up in the misery of the world and just want to cut myself off-go live in a monastery-just so I can hear Gods voice more clearly. It is a difficulty to insulate, protect, keep negative vibes from entering and contaminating my auric/mental/emotional state of being, and keep my heart open to Gods voice.

2010-05-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

Went to the beach-Oregon Coast-over the weekend. A really good place to clean ones chakras, cobwebs in your mind, and just generally have a good time far from the madding crowd.

I went for a walk one morning, low tide, praying and meditating, looking/listening for answers.

My answer came in the form of a Japanese glass float. Other people on the beach and there it was just for me. It said, I am here and I heard your prayers.

It took a long time for that float to break free of its circular Pacific tidal pattern, and land on the beach at my feet. Actually, I believe my guardian Angel brought it for me. Sometimes it takes a while for something to happen, to break free of old patterns, to get an answer. Lots of work and unseen forces that will eventually get you where you want and need to be.

2010-03-31T11:21:00.000-07:00

Don't you love lightbulb moments, when you realize something profound about yourself, life etc.

It is like a Hallmark card from God.

Dreaming with the Galactic Core and Cardinal Cross

2010-03-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

Last night was a full moon in Libra, with the sun opposition in Aries, Pluto in Capricorn and Mars in Leo, not quite a cardinal cross, more of a T. The moon was conjunct Saturn in Libra as well. Portending what will be happening in the skies astrologically speaking this summer with a massive cardinal cross of planets - I guess it is a wait and see as to what will be happening then. It is all good (eventually) I feel, we are in the difficult process of birthing our new paradigm. I read that our planet has also aligned with the Galactic Core at 28 degrees Sagittarius. This is the 2012 thing that all the hand wringers have been so afraid of...well my dears we are already there, have been for awhile. We are in fact just flipping the galactic calendar and starting another 26,000 years spin around the hub of the Galactic Core of our spiral galaxy.

I have been talking with some of my friends-those who are more prone to "downloading" information in dream dialogues, and or intuiting the cosmic consciousness. There is a lot going on spiritually, people are de-cluttering their lives.

Dreams of archangels, guides and channelers: I had the most beautiful dream last night of a sunset lit beach, soft light grey sand, the ocean and sky glowed in shades of purple, gold and magenta. It was quiet and beautifully radiant. The iridescent ocean gently ebbed and flowed, the water was warm on my feet as I walked through the gentle surf around a large rock to see two women sitting on the beach enjoying the sunset. One of the women is an acquaintance of mine and the other is a person who hosts a blogtalk radio program I listen to, "Awakenings." The acquaintance bounced up to me all excited and told me she was a herald for the new age and was quite happy about it. (just then my cat started meowing and woke me from the dream-drat wee beasty!)

One friend of mine has been dreaming of archangels, doing some serious downloading; and another friend of mine dreamed of the Beatles, George Harrison in particular who was channeling and writing new music.

All interesting I think. What have you been dreaming of, and who is speaking to you?

2010-03-21T12:07:00.000-07:00

2010-03-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

car dream: I left my car at a garage to get fixed. the garage was by the ocean. I went somewhere, it was dark, there were people but don't remember where it was, a small town? I realized that I wanted to get my car back and that there wasn't much wrong with it, I could fix it myself and went back to get it.

2010-03-18T09:37:00.001-07:00

Freedom: My thought processes of late have been about freedom, loss of freedom, giving away freedom - to be me, live my life as I want it, not be under anyones thumb. I realized this morning that it is a theme that has threaded throughout my adult life; a deep abiding need to be free, altruistic, not beholden to anyone. I distance myself from my family, keep only a few trusted friends, regard boss types with suspicion, remained single over the last decade, etc.

I believe it is part of my soul contract to be free. I have had revelations about past lives of being a chattel, married off to someone who regarded me as property-staring out a window longing for the freedom to be educated, on my own, no longer a slave to the whims of others. Thus I remain unattached, got my college education, explore my own thoughts on spirituality (as opposed to the church's ideas), creating art...although life circumstance keeps me unable to travel the world as I would have liked, as in lack of funds. So, the stolen car dreams and the Fung Shui is all part and parcel of my continuing exploration of freedom in this lifetime.

Self awareness is a life long process and quite an education.

2010-03-16T08:41:00.001-07:00

Dream Theory: Had an enlightening talk with a shaman friend yesterday re my stolen car dreams. He listened to what I said and gave me a "key" - the word disabler. I can be found guilty over the years of giving my keys to other people and my life (way of being) becomes a little less as I try to become more like what they want me to be - my relationships with men in particular. I have known for some time that I do not deal with authority figures and their rules very well. In fact I resent it very much when someone tries to tell me what to do, sit in judgment, treat me as less, curb my freedom...and it has caused me some problems with boss types. As I know in my heart and mind that I am their equal. The lessons learned as a child: keep your mouth shut; I don't want to hear what you have to say; don't rock the boat-are triggers for me, and someone with the idea that they have authority over me can really push those buttons.

So, the theory is, is to not give them my keys, to in effect disable the way in which I give my keys to someone who does not deserve it. It is a difficulty to drop those ways of being that are a part of my psyche-ways of being since childhood. However, I was given a gift of insight yesterday from my shaman friend, as well as those dreams, to shift my way of reacting to events, be more aware-to drop the old paradigm of being and become more authentically altruistic.

This all goes hand in hand with the Feng Shui idea, shifting things around, getting rid of the stuff that no longer works in your life. It is a good thing to be aware and to listen up when the universe is trying to get your attention.

stuck in the old paradigm

2010-03-14T10:55:00.000-07:00

I have been listening to a series of blog talk radio shows re: Feng Shui. I did some de-cluttering last weekend in my living room and could immediately feel the difference in energy. I know that I have been stuck, for a while now...and the universe answered me - as it always will - and guided me to these shows. I have studied a little bit the idea of Feng Shui, have a bag gua compass, some books, but really haven't done too much with the ideas. I look around this morning and realize/see all the stuff that is cluttering up my life, my home, my job, and know what I have to do to release the old energy.

It is kind of like an earthquake, the earth gets stuck and the release of energy changes things up big time-just look at the news lately.

So the question is, what is stuck in your life that needs to change?

2010-03-13T13:20:00.000-08:00

Don't be afraid of the dark

I am here for you

Keep the flame lit

in the hearth

The fire of my love

will keep you warm

I will not leave you

I never left at all

Let my wings enfold you

cradle you in my arms

lay to rest your fears

My darling one I am here for you

2010-03-09T12:24:00.001-08:00

thinking about this dream I had last night, and also had another stolen car dream. My subconscious is trying to get my attention. I have been working on ideas re: fears, dropping the veil as to our divine nature-and it is coming through in my dreams. One of my dream symbols has been Bear, which is symbolic for me of my fears. Last nights dream bear wasn't real, it was actually a costume with someone inside it. So I would hazard a guess that my fears are an illusion. The stolen car dreams probably have to do with my vehicle/way of going (life, dreams, art) is getting stolen from me. In my dreams, I couldn't figure out how someone stole my car as she has an dis-abler installed in it which will kill the engine until a mechanic re-enables the magic microchip. I would think I am the one with the key, the microchip, and am letting my life circumstance get in the way of my dreams of what and who I am. that sounds reasonable.

One of my friends suggested I get a shamanic soul retrieval, which might be a good idea. I have also had thrown at me to keep up with my daily prayer/meditation practice-I have been really bad for a while, other things to do instead. I guess it would be a good thing to pay attention, drop the fears, and let it all happen in as graceful a manner as possible.

2010-03-06T21:55:00.000-08:00

I have been grappling with my fear, a deep dark woundedness, that heals little by little as more understanding grows in my mind and heart. Self-discovery is quite an adventure.

I have been in a dark jungle, struggling through the vines and undergrowth, hacking away at those things-thoughts-circumstance, which if it could, would swallow me whole. I could not allow that. I can know a truth intellectually, a truth which subscribes to the idea that we are light beings, all a cell, an atom, a living embodiment of all there is, the I Am That I Am. The longing, an age old desire that longs to re-unite with Mother/Father. How does one cross that line, draw back the thin veil which hides the truth of that wonder from our minds and hearts. Would it be such a rapturous experience? So massive that we are too afraid our very soul would eclipse and become nothing, and so not look so deep within. Can we drop all pretense and mask, all learning of those things which tell us we cannot be that-and just be...

I was listening to this cowboy philosopher mystic today on the radio. What he said about respect and honor, seeing yourself as more that what you are told you are, is the place to start. Mostly about being honest with yourself and others. Integrity, living your life with no pretense about what you are and are not, self deception is not allowed. It is a difficulty to live an authentic life in our society, and there in lies the challenge. To live a life in integrity, as honestly as any human/light being can. I think many people in your life, who in reality cannot but will try to tell you they can, will label you-tell you no you can't-apply rules. These thinks I am grappling with...

Deep in the back of my winter cave I sit at my fire. Through the smoke hole I can see the star nation on its nightly travels. My shadow companion sits at my left, hood pulled low over her face. Occasionally she sighs a truth, stirs the fire and returns to her contemplation. We sit in silence mostly, listening to the winter wind whistling through the branches of the spruce and fir. I listen to the nearby creek which runs cold and fast over the rock bed. A stone, moved by the water makes a clunking sound as it shifts, and I warm my drum next to the fire, and play a song for my hearts healing. My drum, she is my heart beating in time with the earths heart. I drum for the healing of earth mother and all those things which live upon her. My home planet. This is my home, but I feel like I belong somewhere else too. Is this somewhere really just the longing for unification with All That Is ... probably ... The moon is a thin sliver in the sky tonight, waning towards the dark of a new moon, and I sit in contemplation.

2010-02-28T19:10:00.000-08:00

Respect and Honor. A re-current theme that drives me forward and I realize is essential to my happiness. Too many times I find that respect is hard to come by in the American world, where the haves and have nots spar constantly. I long for, dream of a world in which everyone is equal and treated with honor and respect for their knowledge, talent, education...and so on. It is a utopian world, perhaps a bit socialistic, rendolent of the famous song written by John Lennon, "Imagine." It makes me feel sad, depressed, angry that I have to fight for some sort of recognition, and also I realize that to look for that recognition in someone elses eyes, is a task that cannot succeed when dealing with those whose ego disallows them to see anyone as equal to them. I am tired of fighting. I would like very much to retire from a world that feels heavy with fear, death, destruction, hate, inequality. If I had the where-with-all to retire, I would-right now-today. Some would look at this as a pity party, self-victimization; and it is, too smart not to know that. I just wish things were a little different, I wish I didn't have to work so hard for so very little.

2010-02-23T11:45:00.000-08:00

Lost in the darkness. I had a dream that someone stole my car. Looked up the dream symbolism and worked out that my troubles, and the worlds, has gotten me so distracted and depressed that I have been thrown off course. My personal way of driving through my life has been taken from me. I have not been working on artwork much at all since last November. Yes, I have done some work, primarily the heart centered Mandalas; and yes, I did get my e-store up and running. So all is not lost, though this cave has become terribly familiar. I have been here before and know that once I digest, assimilate, ponder upon my beingness (is that a word?)-new artwork comes pouring out of me. So, actually I am not too upset with myself. But it is good to be aware, my subconscious is prodding me to get it together. It is winter, a time to hibernate, nest on those things which can be delivered up in the spring sunshine.

I am seeing that beautiful scene in Dr. Zhivago, where the spring sunshine starts to melt the ice and snow encasing the house that Yuri is living in with his family.

You cannot have the light without the darkness, Yin/Yang.

2010-02-06T08:55:00.001-08:00

I still feel ill at ease. I leave my outdoor lights on all nite now and don't want to put anything of value out in my yard anymore. I wake at nite to listen for noises. No matter who you are and how you conduct your life, someone or something will try to knock you down. Yes, I am depressed and feel quite dark. Whomever it was that took her has been cursed a couple hundred times. I had a half dozen people tell me their own stories of burglary, break ins, theft of personal property. It is a sad story, the sense of loss, invasion, fear, rape...

I will go on, but will always wonder what happened to her, my beautiful Kwan Yin.

2010-02-04T19:32:00.000-08:00

I got ripped off this morning and am not sure how to process this. I work hard to try and be a conscious being, be nice to people, understand that I have my problems too and work constantly on improving myself...I do not understand when someone believes that they are entitled to steal from someone else. My beautiful Kwan Yin statue was stolen right off my front porch. She was placed there to protect, add grace and beauty, as an altar, to bless those who would enter my home. What happened to her? I feel so violated, ill at ease, angry. Why do people steal? I find myself putting a curse on the person(s) who stole from me, I cannot find compassion for such a person, all I feel is...anger. Anger at all the assholes who think they can rip someone off and get away with it. What the f**k, I don't get it, and all it makes me want to do is hide even further-deeper-away from a world that seems to be spinning deeper into a bottomless pit filled with self abuse, hatred, fear...

2010-01-24T13:28:00.000-08:00

Namaste - dream in my heart, dream in my heart, I dream of you, I dream of me, we are together in the heart of God. Soften my heart, soften your heart, our hearts are softened within the presence of God in our hearts. Namaste.

2010-01-18T12:39:00.000-08:00

here is an interesting site - a meditation to listen to, and watch. I also have the link posted on my website. http://www.mandala.tv/

I listened to this and had such a deep feeling of longing for that which has been lost, home, a need for personal healing, understanding of who and what I am doing here; and found myself teary eyed; a healing had occurred when I first heard this. I listened to it again and held my tetrahedron over my heart chakra and worked on healing my heart, the message that came through was: Be gentle with yourself.

Today I felt like a fake, all talk and no walk. Wrapped up in labels, judgments, misaligned chakras, energy blocked. The work I do-to pay my rent-tends to suck me dry on several different levels. It is a difficulty to be empathic and work with clients who are needy, in pain and want something from you. Eight hours a day. I come home exhausted, drained, numb, and find I cannot work on my art, let alone quiet myself enough to do any sort of spiritual work. It takes alot of energy just to hold my own space, recognize who's energy is not my own, block it out and give it back without anger, fear, hate, judgment. I have been learning to dial it down, a visual process, which works for me. I see two dials in my mind, one is me and the other dial is someone else's energy trying to invade my space. I visualize turning down their dial and amping up my own. It works, drowns them out, and is helping me to identify-hey that is not my soul energy, and stop their noise.

But again, the answer would be, be gentle with yourself.

2010-01-02T14:27:00.000-08:00

Dream and lucid dream: night of January 1, actually early morning hours of the 2nd.

I was like the figure in my Star Seed piece, with butterfly like wings, androgynous. I was getting my temperature taken, to see if I was ready to reproduce? There was a sack of tiny seed eggs, two were taken that were ripe and ready. I do not know what I was supposed to do with those but the spirit guide which was working with me in the dream seemed pleased. I woke up and lay there half asleep, still resting in the spiritual dreamscape, I was aware I was still in the dream. Then I recognized that a light being was in my presence hovering over my bed, and asked me to turn over on my back. The light being said that I was ready for the ascension process and began to work on me with light energy. There was a large ball of bright white light over me, a slight pressure on my chest, I couldn't breath very well, and my whole body felt exquisitely alive, full of energy. I was filled with light, not sure how long this went on, 10 minutes maybe. The light being finished, said something about my skin would look younger than my age. Then I fell back asleep.

I thought about this dream all day long, one of those big dreams that mean something and you have to pay attention to. I have been working on my spiritual process for a long while. You can see it in my artwork. If anything I am encouraged and will continue on with my studies, meditation and creating artwork which reflects my inner process.

2009-12-30T13:42:00.000-08:00

At last...I have been away from my blog for a while. I have been busy of course getting my artwork created, printed, framed for a couple art shows, and now my estore is up and running. I am looking forward to a new year of art shows, creating new artwork, and await with bated breath to see what unfolds in our world and how it affects all living things on our home planet.

Has anyone seen Avatar?-a visual feast for the eyes. Plus lots of messages of course.

I can't help but look up into the sky, see our moon, stars, sun-and think about our place in this great universe of Gods mind. There is so much unfolding within the community of mankind and the eco-sphere. I suppose it would be redundant to go over everything everyone knows about anyway, and don't really want to express my political opinion either. I will say that there is a lot of fear being held in peoples hearts and minds-fear of the unknown, wondering if some sort of horror will be visited upon themselves or their loved ones. Life is precious, one never knows when God will call you home. It is a battle between the old and new way of being. One can hold tight to the old paradigm, a life filled with hate, fear, lust for power and all the 'isms associated with a deeply human psychosis. One can move forward, release the bonds to the old paradigm and move into a lightness of being which can heal ones heart and soul, and heal our home planets ecology. We only have one planet-one home in this great universe, why be so shortsighted and unwilling to take one step more towards being a better human being.

I pray for the healing of our fragile human hearts and minds. I pray that the vast community of all living things on our living home planet earth - humans, birds, fish, plants, minerals, animals - find a way to exist harmoniously. I pray that enlightenment fills all of mankinds hearts. I pray for peace and love. Mitakye Oyasin - All My Relations

2009-07-19T13:20:00.000-07:00

2009-07-19T12:55:00.000-07:00

Still contemplating dropping things that just don't work anymore. I have had a couple conversations in the past couple of days about working on our individual ancestral DNA memories. How the ancestral traditions of handling life continues on in our present lives. As we become aware of it, say in a conversation with a cousin or mother, it is astonishing to see that continuity of being, generation to generation. As we, humankind, search for new ways to experience and create our new paradigm, we become aware that a certain change in our thinking has happened and then we have to come up with a way to integrate that in our daily lives. This new awareness has to catch up with and integrate soulwork with ordinary reality. That can be a difficulty, as people we deal with everyday expect you to be one way but you know that you cannot be that way anymore. A shift is happening for many people. Not everyone on the planet is shifting. Some will resist and remain stuck in the old paradigm.
This is a time to be altruistic, listen-be alert-visualize and live your totality of being in all that is, the I Am That I Am. I cannot be anything else but that...

2009-07-09T20:05:00.000-07:00

dreamers are we, that walk the world, dreaming awake the reality of our worlds. We intermesh, connect, bifurcate, weave the web of creation. Earth and all it inhabitants; human, animal, fish, trees, rocks, mountains, birds, rivers, oceans...It is all the big dream, the one that wakes us up in the middle of the night, and we remember it all day long, feeling the energy of it, a meaning, a direction. It is not only the earth and we whom live upon her, but it also all that is out there, in the darkness of the vast galaxy we live in, and beyond that and that and that. All that is, is God, all...
and in that interconnected realization of all that is, cannot we as intellegent beings find our salvation. It is difficult to get past the humaness of our social conditioning, and just be.
How to be? How to drop the world and be.

2009-04-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

I have been dwelling on this all day. All the studies I have been engrossed in throughout my life has been an effort to lift the veil between myself and spiritual knowledge. Gnosis. My efforts through art has been a visual study-I don't know if that is the right way to put it-ummm, it's like when I have been creating a new piece, especially of late, it is like taking a peek out from under the veil. I am the bride and I want to see my groom. This is a rumbling in my mind, and it will not go away until I have analyzed and accepted into my heart of hearts the truth of my soul, the truth of everyones soul. Who and what we are, as universal beings of light. I know things intellectually but now I must make love to the soul of it.
I do not know how to put this into words yet, but I will. I have not quite achieved how to portray this gnosis artistically, but I will.
This tickle in my brain, is it kundalini rising? The veil has been lifted a little more? This edge of discovery is erotic and lovely to contemplate.

The Spiritual in Art-the inner necessity

2009-04-07T11:17:00.000-07:00

Attributed to Kandinsky; "The role of the artist is to serve as the voice or translator of that which transcends human experience."

Can the artist, as shaman, heal through their personal artistic vision-the alienated masses-those whose wounded souls are adrift in their pain, unable to articulate the deep unsettling discomfort of that alienation with a society that has seemingly gone mad with lust for power, money, and material things?

The masses walk through their lives, dull listless eyes cover the pain of a fragmented soul as we slog through another day of working at a job that does not represent our talents. I see a masked being without eyes, mouth, ears. A creative mind locked behind a door, which if revealed would so startle their fellow beings-could be viewed as other? Strange? Crazy and living on the dark side of the moon. Hello, is anybody in there? Can anybody hear me? Is there anyone at home?

The artist/shaman heal themselves-on their journey into their artwork. It is a journey to articulate an inner mystical vision. Translating it into color, shape, form, in hopes that the viewer will find their own woundedness, stimulating a healing of their fragmented soul. Those things which we dream about in the midnight hour, nestled in the darkened closet of our mind, to be taken out in our dreams, marvelled at like the jewel it is. It is in the dreamworld, when our conscious hold on the world lets go, and our richly colored soul life blooms. It is that "big dream" we think about all day, that message our soul sends us, that we are alive.

In the daily discourse of our lives would it not be a good thing to nurture, feed and water our soul? It is the inner necessity, to express our deep soul life.

2009-03-26T15:11:00.000-07:00

I have been undertaking a concerted study of mystical trans-personal art this week. Found some really great artists, web sites and inspiration, immersed my self in study. Checked out Alex Grey first and then went on a journey of discovery. I have been working at this thing called art for a long while, purposely not studying painting under any ones tutelage, took a couple painting classes but didn't want to take on someone else's style. There are some great masters whom I adore and can see their influence in my work, but I wanted the style to be uniquely my own. Although after my studies this week, I see that I am not alone, there are many artists who seek and express the same vision. We are part of the new paradigm placed upon this earth at this time to evolve mankind. That sounds sort of high minded and egotistical. Since I was a child, this is what I have known, and it has taken me to this point to get a lot of crap out of my mind that was put upon me-rules of society. I had to forgive my child self, who didn't know any better. Still got some crap, but not as much.

It is not just painters, but other artists-writers, dancers, actors, musicians-those of us who reflect society and seek to change it through their individual artistic vision. This new paradigm is a chance for us all to evolve.

I have come to this time in my life, more settled into who I am, my life story, self examination, and am ready to begin a new passage. I took a winding wooded path towards the mountaintop, the earth embraced me as its own, this is my home. I look up to the stars and know that I am part of that and that is part of me.

When a star explodes the particles go out into space, enters our atmosphere and we breath it in, we are starseed. There is no alternative way of seeing this, for it is the truth.

I know that I need to express the mystic within, and know that art is a core expression of my soul.

Working out ideas for a multimedia piece, getting my canvas prepared.

Have a show coming up in November to get ready for, and am very excited about that.

2009-03-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

I did the 12 solar ray activation meditation last nite before I went to bed-really relaxed, so much I actually slept in. I feel so very rested this morning.
Been thinking about the Harner method and what I said in a previous post-about healing. Yes, it is focused on healing for others. The tribal shaman is the family doctor. However, the shaman can also be healed. Meditation, activation, journey work is a healing for me too. The realizations and connections with spirit can only be reflected in my artwork, deepening the dreamscape I paint on my canvas. It is a soul retrieval; the shaman (me) comes back with a part of the soul (collective or individual), which has fragmented off, seals it into the patient (canvas), and a healing takes place. Not only for the shaman artist but also for those whom gaze upon the artwork. Which is my ultimate goal, that those who gaze upon my artwork are reminded of who they are, starseed.

It is manifesting your powers in ordinary reality when you bring it through from the other side of the veil, non-ordinary reality.

meditation

2009-03-21T07:27:00.000-07:00

Early morning meditation: Went to Stonehenge and connected with an earlier incarnation of my soul. I was a man, a knight kneeling in prayer. I was getting ready to go on a pilgrimage to the holy land. I had long dark brown hair, a beard and mustache, wearing scarlet and had a sword, which was drawn and layed in front of me as I kneeled towards the early morning sun. I had children and a wife, and told one of the children that I had to go to fight for the lord (Jesus).
(I do know in my own ancestral tree, there were several lords, knights and such in England, a couple of whom died in Jeruselem or thereabouts, my DNA lineage is ancient.)

This activation meditation is guided by Peter Tongue. His wonderful web site can be found at http://www.petertongue.com/ , look in the radio section to find his meditations and interviews. The particular meditation which I listened to this morning was the Oneness meditation. There is a cheesy part which has Josh Grobin singing, beyond that it is good. I have worked with several of the meditations and like the 12 Solar Ray and Ohm Crystal activations the best.

I ordered a star tetrahedron yesterday, and have to hunt for the crystal I want to hang from the center of it. This will be hung in my bedchamber to facilitate alignment with all that is.

Dream fragment: a young man being shot, it was a through and through in the face, jewish. The angels were singing, "life is precious."

2009-03-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

Dream frags; sea turtle colored in iridescent blues and greens. A change of furniture at my job. My co-workers child getting sick (she called in this a.m. to say her child is sick and staying home with her).

Working on my new fractile software, integrates wonderfully with photoshop.

Smudged this morning, felt like I needed some protection and wearing my eskimo whale bone shaman necklace today-feel soft in the middle (moon time) and want some added protection.

Seeking the Mystical Experience

2009-03-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

"The most beautiful and profound emotion we can experience is the sensation of the mystical. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their primitive forms - this knowledge, this feeling, is at the center of true religion." - Albert Einstein

I have been contemplating the making of art, new ways of applying my experiences onto the canvas, how to convey my mystical experiences in a way that the viewer will understand and comprehend their own divineness.

So much is happening, learning to let the needless crap go-I don't want it therefore I won't be buying your crap today.

Walking my Dharma-this life is my classroom.

I was checking out Jung today, about accessing the dream-life, journey work, meditation. I think, that in order for me to get there from here, I must re-begin my journey dream work. But in a different way than I have learned before-from the Harner Foundation-which seems to be more about healing. This time I must access non ordinary reality to apprehend mystical experience, and to create artwork from that experience. It is a different way for me to approach art and spirituality and I feel pressed, impelled, to express in my artwork and daily life.

Galaxy Center Point within you is - Yoda

So I guess what is going to happen in this blog will be my journal of this constant journey towards enlightenment, the holy grail.