Monday, November 4, 2013
Geezus, I can't believe I haven't posted anything since August. This tells me how far I have been off track. No wonder I have been feeling so empty.
Let me fill you in; I have been doing the freelance artist thang since May, and it really hasn't been working out. Guess I picked the wrong client, and this is where I had to look deep within and realize that creating art has to do with soul not just money. Money is good, it pays the rent, buys food, pays for gas and stuff. It feels good to have it in your pocket and bank account. But money, is soulless. It is like a big dead fish, eyes glazed over, no depth, no conversation, and you certainly cannot share your bed with a sexless soulless non being. It is inanimate.
Art is all about soul, the orgasm the artist feels deep inside when the paint and the canvas is so right, is so in tune to what you need to express about the moment - it cannot be exchanged for the loveless marriage, that money represents.
It got to the point where I didn't want to do the project anymore, because it was never good enough, had to be changed this way or that, lacking. Art, for me is about finding my true inner happiness, my yin and yang, what keeps me going despite my weariness of this disjointed world. How could I work on something that wasn't keeping me happy, in tune with the universe, grounded in spirit. I felt only dispirited, lacking, depressed, in despair - and I should never, ever feel that way about creating artwork. Ever, period ! and so I quit. It was a good decision.
You will see me back here more often. I have a new canvas on my easel... and I am at ease with my soul once again.